What lies Beneath

The colour of this writing is the colour of this FABULOUS new dress I bought with matching belt. Despite my enthusiasm for this and the emerald green wedges I put on layby today (I have to stop running into nice things)....my thoughts have been occupied after an interesting evening. What I find interesting about peoples "make up" is that everyone puts on some sort of act. They provide you with what they want you to see. We all do it. I remember when my mum went through a particularly psychotic phase during my adolescence. This was usually when people were coming over and we weren't putting in enough effort in cleaning the house to make it look like a museum. She yelled and the veins in her neck throbbed and her teeth were gritted as she spat out poisonous insults at us all....and then the doorbell rang and the mood changed to this gregarious perfect hostess that buzzed with warmth, welcoming in guests and tossing her head in the air with carefree laughter. Apart from wanting to diagnose her with schizophrenia at the time and my brother and I staring at her in awe thinking how does this woman go from The Exorcist to Mother Theresa in seconds...it taught me a lot. We all either turn the switch on or off. Socially I love to entertain people and laugh....at home...I like to sit in my club chair, not speak and watch crap tv.
My grandfather terms it as "sweet and sour". We perform this act every day. We smile at people in the hallway that we don't like, whilst mentally critiquing their dress sense and declaring them a fashion eye sore....we have meetings with people when we are half asleep, laugh and exchange niceties than roll our eyes and frown the moment they are out of sight. And then there are the people that you would normally write off that completely surprise you. It's nice when the reverse happens. I also find it interesting when the cocky, over confident shell of the englishman melts a little bit and exposes quite a nice, unsure and anxious fellow on the inside. After fielding questions...you get a boyish grin, a few reluctant responses and a cute little tap on the thighs when he doesn't know what to say. I think this is a feat only engineered by a few, and a natural evolution when you really explore one's psyche and share more of yourselves over a few drinks. Suddenly the more obvious desires get cast aside and at the end of the night (after a very OC like passionate outburst in the car, coincidentally to the OC soundtrack) you both walk away thinking you sorta get to eachother a bit. But in a good way. Or perhaps it's just wishful thinking on my part that the more primal urges become less important and that it's all about the spirituality of it all. Whatever which way, it's nice to think you are getting somewhere...I think. Scratching the surface or perhaps that's just the female way of thinking???